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It's the middle of November, which means it's time to celebrate America's favorite holiday. Thanksgiving? No, dude... Have A Party With Your Bear Day!
What's that? You're not observing Have A Party With Your Bear Day? You don't even know what it is? Well, it's all about throwing a tea party for your teddy bears. But since your plush companion is probably collecting dust in your parents' attic, here are some other ways to celebrate...
1. Booze At Zoos
Sneak some champagne into the bear exhibit, shake up the bottle, pop the cork and spray the bubbly at the grizzlies. If a zookeeper asks you to leave, just tell him it's Have A Party With Your Bear Day. He'll understand.
2. Have A Party With The Chicago Bears
The Bears are playing the 49ers this week in San Francisco. So, be waiting for them at the SFO airport terminal with a deep dish pizza, because there's no party like a pizza party.
3. Dress Like Teddy Roosevelt
A teddy bear holiday isn't super manly, but teddy bears are named after Theodore Roosevelt, the manliest president ever. So honor him by throwing a costume-required theme party. There are so many styles to choose from: Presidential Roosevelt, Rough Rider Roosevelt and Frontiersman Roosevelt. They're all Badass Roosevelt.
4. Give Your Lady A Teddy Bear
...and then take her to the "party" in your pants. Or, if you don't have a lady, just give a teddy bear to some random female. (If she's creeped out, try again with a different girl and a more expensive bear.)
5. The 21-And-Up Build-A-Bear
Visit your nearest Build-A-Bear Workshop and design a teddy with a hollowed-out midsection. Then stitch its head in such a way that it can be removed and reattached. Now for the party: slip a flask inside. No one will ever suspect... and it'll be just like hanging out with Seth MacFarlane's Ted.