Grown Man Cons His Way Into High School Football

Photo: CNN

James Nash could legally vote, smoke and drink — but he didn’t care for the adult world; he just wanted to play high school football.

So the 21-year-old Mount Pleasant, Michigan man allegedly forged a transcript and birth certificate, transforming himself into 17-year-old Javier Jones. And (dreams do come true) he made the varsity team, heroically crushing opponents a half-decade younger than him.

“He presented himself as an average high school student athlete,” Mount Pleasant High School athletic director Jim Conway told reporters. “He didn’t draw attention to himself, kept up with his academic work, and in doing that slipped under everyone’s radar.”

Nash/Jones played in four games — two of them wins — but the school district got wise after a parent anonymously called in a tip. Police investigators verified that the documents were faked, and the “student” was expelled. Unsurprisingly, it’s a first for the Michigan High School Athletic Association, which will now probably revoke the two victories.

“I think that’s the part that upsets our students the most, that their hard work and effort is going to be thrown away because of one man’s selfish act,” Conway said.

Selfish? The guy was giving it 100 percent, Conway! He just wanted to bring you a championship! And he even planned to join your damn basketball team too.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog