Sushi Cologne: The Best Way To Never Get Laid Again?

Why? Why? Why, why, why, why, why?

There’s nothing wrong with sushi — we could eat it every day, mercury poisoning be damned — and besides, women love a nice sushi date. However, they don’t want to smell raw seafood after leaving the restaurant.

Nevertheless, the Demeter Fragrance Library, a New York perfumery, has introduced Sushi, a “Pick-Me-Up Cologne Spray.” (We’re not sure who you’d be picking up with it.) From the sales description:

“Not what you think it would smell like! Demeter’s Sushi is the fresh scent of just cooked sticky rice and straight from the seaside seaweed, laced with hints of ginger and lemon essences. Simply delectable… after all, if it smelled like fish, would you wear it?”

All right, all right, so maybe it’s not tuna-scented, but it still sounds dubious. Then again, it might be a winner compared to Demeter’s other fragrances: Beeswax, Black Pepper, Celery, Crayon, Dirt, Earthworm, Glue, Laundromat, Lobster, Mildew, Mushroom, Rubber, Rye Bread, Sawdust and Turpentine.

Actually, we’ll reserve judgment on Dirt because Clint Eastwood reportedly wears the stuff. In his honor, they should rename the cologne something less gross, like 82-Year-Old Man.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog