Tips On Throwing Your Election Night Party


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Tomorrow’s the Presidential Election, so you need to do two things: vote, then party. Some people call this election the Nerd Superbowl, but it’s not only nerds who like high-stakes competition and discussing poor and sick people as mere numbers; everyone likes it, and it’s a damn fun setting for a party. Problem is, everyone knows how to throw a Superbowl party, but few know how to make an election party happen. You don’t want to just end up on a couch with your boys, staring at the television the whole night. Whether you’re hosting or going to someone’s place, here are some tips on how to be the commander in chief of your election night party.

Costumes


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Costumes usually make everyone a bit more relaxed, and it’s close enough to Halloween still that no one will think you’re trying too hard. Dress like Chris Matthews or Al Sharpton if you want to look funny but are holding out the possibility of hooking up that night. Dress as Barack Obama and your Republican friends might card you to get in. Dress as Joe Biden and walk into s*** all night. Or dress as any one of Mitt Romney‘s kids and then murder everyone at the party with a dull butter knife. Yes, they look that creepy.

Chants


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Chants are lame, unless they’re not. If you’re a cool person, you’ll have friends who are Republican and Democrat, so you should have chants that get people united and pumped about freedom and stuff. The more the chant sounds like “Bro Hymn”, the better. Or you could have the Democrats sing Positive K’s “I Got A Man” and have the Republicans sing the “Whatcha man got to do with me?” part. Avoid the stereotypes though. If you sing a country song in favor of Mitt Romney, you don’t get Romney. If you sing Wu-Tang‘s”Triumph” in favor of Barack Obama, you don’t get Obama.

Drinking Games


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Basic Game: Every time the talking head on TV says, “We’re calling this state for…” you take a drink.  That’s about 30 drinks by 9:30, then about 18 more by 11:30 and then two for Alaska and Hawaii in the morning. Hair of the dog, bro.

Advanced Game: Every time a talking head says, “This could be bad news for….” you take a drink. They get off on saying that, so you’ll get tore up hearing it. (For high tolerances only.)

Party Favors


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Party favors are good, especially if the election is a landslide and the coverage starts to get boring. Post a giant electoral map to a wall you don’t care about, buy some red and blue darts and get some quality target practice in. You can also do red versus blue cups in a game of beer pong, which is probably the best excuse to play beer pong.

Conversation


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Don’t be that guy spouting election statistics the same way you blindly quote “Sportscenter” during every game you watch with your buddies. Your friends either all know that Wyoming doesn’t even deserve three electoral votes or they just don’t care. Either way, you sound like a douche for saying it the first, second and third time.

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Charlie Kasov (@charliekasov) is a comedian and writer based out of Brooklyn, New York.