Fantasy Picks & Chicks Week 9: Choosing Fantasy Starters By Their Ladies


Photos: Getty Images

Instead of racking your brain with deep statistical analysis, why not make your fantasy picks based off their corresponding fantasy chicks? 

The highlight of being a pro football player is dating gorgeous women, and the highlight of being an Internet blogger is analyzing gorgeous women who’d want nothing to do with you. Here we go!

Jay Cutler vs. Ryan Tannehill

Jay Cutler looks like the president of the evil fraternity in every college movie, and Ryan Tannehill looks like a country hayseed who’s only educated on how to throw a spiral. Two stereotypical bros going at it, with nearly identical fantasy numbers and identical taste in smoking hotties.


Photos: Getty Images

Jay Cutler is averaging 13.20 per game in fantasy, which is coincidentally what Kristin Cavallari would score if it weren’t for that coldhearted crap that she pulled on L.C. Instead she gets a nine, bringing their combined couple total to 22.20.


Photo: Roger Snider

Reigning himbo Tannehill is having a breakout year for a rookie QB, coming up with 11.10 fantasy points per game. Breakouts are something unfamiliar to his wife Lauren, however, who is a first ballot hall-of-famer. I give her 10.5 for a combined couple total of 21.6.

Winner: Jay Cutler

Chris Johnson vs. Reggie Bush

What do fantasy football owners and these next two girls have in common? They’ve both been screwed by Chris Johnson and Reggie Bush.

Johnson has averaged 10.29 fantasy points this year, and had been linked to a voluptuous VH1 reality star named Hot Wings(!) who is a solid 9.5. I’m a sucker for hot chicks and hotter wings, so I threw in a bonus point to bring their total up to 20.79.

 Photos: kamillle_leai/Instagram

Reggie Bush is consistent when it comes to his girls and his stats. He’s averaging a steady 11.41 fantasy points per game, and his new girlfriend Lilit Avagyan is a dead ringer for his old girl Kim Kardashian. Lilit is hot, but not quite the real thing, so I’ll score her a nine, giving them a combined score of 20.41.


Photos: Getty Images

Winner: Chris Johnson

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If you need help deciding your fantasy football match-ups, tweet @greenroomshow early in the week and I’ll include them in this week’s column.

Sean Green (@greenroomshow) is a standup comedian and podcast host living in Los Angeles