Fantasy Picks & Chicks: Choose Your Fantasy Starters By Their Ladies


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Being a fantasy football general manager is not as easy as you expect. Oftentimes you’re deciding between two players whose numbers are basically equal. Instead of racking your brain with deep statistical analysis, why not make your fantasy picks based off their corresponding fantasy chicks? (Well, “fantasy chicks” for you, not the players.)

Christian Ponder


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Christian Ponder yields an underwhelming 14.4 fantasy points per game, but he’s deadly accurate when it comes to landing the lovely ladies. To call bodacious broadcasting beauty Samantha Steele a poor man’s Erin Andrews would be an insult. I’m predicting that Ponder will put up 20 points against Tampa Bay, and I’m ranking his gal pal at nine for a combined score of 29.

Versus

Mark Sanchez


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Sanchez is known for two things: dating super-hot, super-famous women and for putting up mediocre fantasy numbers, averaging 10. That number sounds right against Miami’s feisty defense. As far as Eva Longoria, she would be a perfect 10, but she was previously linked to French philanderer Tony Parker, so I’ll knock her down to an eight for her lack of patriotism, which brings in a combined total of 18.

Winner: Ponder

 

Wes Welker


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Bill Belichek isn’t the only one whom Wes Welker enjoys sticking it to. Welker is putting up great numbers, averaging over 11 fantasy points per game, and his fiancee Anna Burns is a clear 10. Welker versus the Rams in New England is worth a dozen points for a combined total of 22. However, I’m going to deduct one point from Welker’s score for tweeting a picture of himself delivering breakfast in bed.

Versus

Jordy Nelson

Jordy Nelson is consistent and reliable on the field, averaging more than 12 fantasy points per game, and off the field, having been with his wife Emily since the sixth grade. She’s cute, no doubt. Jordy has an easy match-up against the Jags, and is good for 15 points. Throw in Emily’s eight and I’ve got them at a stout 23.

Winner: Nelson

If you need help deciding your fantasy football match-ups, tweet @greenroomshow early in the week and I’ll include them in this week’s column.

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Sean Green is a comic, podcaster and degenerate sports gambler living in Los Angeles