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If you’re a hardcore baseball fan, the MLB Playoffs were exciting this season: extra wild card teams, unlikely players becoming heroes, come-from-behind victories, A-Rod getting benched, Jeter’s injury, etc … all leading to a San Francisco Giants versus Detroit Lions World Series. However, for everyone else, it’s been a snore. Steroids are in decline, so there are fewer home runs waking you from a nap or stopping you from checking Facebook. The cost of a bottle of beer is more than bleacher seats in most stadiums, and the bottles are made of plastic, so you can’t even start a proper brawl.
We used to love playoff baseball, and we wish we could go back to those days. The rules were basically the same, but there were other things that made it awesome, like fat players doing nasty s*** in the dugout. Here are six things that we want to see return to the MLB so we can enjoy the playoffs again.
1. John Kruk Playing
Kruk was one of those guys who was probably selling meth to truckers in Rochester and got on the Phillies’ bus by accident. The rest is legendary fat guy, mullet-sporting, ball-adjusting history.
2. Home Run Creation
For Jeff Maier, the Yankee fan in Baltimore who created a home run by leaning over the outfield wall and grabbing what would have been a foul ball, people went crazy and Maier was a hero back in New York.
3. Third Out Theft
Unlike for Jeffrey Maier, Steve Bartman caught a ball that his home team’s outfielder could have caught for an out. His whole life was ruined. That was the closest the Cubs will ever get to a World Series. He was shamed out of Chicago. A documentary was made about him. Rumor has it, he’s somewhere in Florida hanging out with Scott Norwood.
4. George Brett’s “Special” Bragging
We don’t just miss this about the playoffs, or even about baseball in general. There’s something powerful about George’s story that we’ve lost in the past 25 years. The best part of this is that we forgot how much George Brett sounds like a blazed version of Jesse Ventura.
5. The Wizard Of Oz
In case you were wondering, did baseball ever have someone that was as talented as Michael Jordan on the field, and as terrible of an actor with children off the field as well? Ozzie Smith is your man. His backflip was Michael’s tongue-out dunk from the free throw line, which also says something about how baseball will never be as cool as basketball.
6. Afro Hats
Credit: M.David Leeds/Getty Images
Afros are badass no matter the setting. Put one under a baseball cap, they become part of the hat in a way that mullets never will. As you can see with Dmitri Young in the picture above, he’s smiling because his afro is telling dirty jokes that only he can hear.