5 Reasons You Can No Longer Be A Man Like Sonny Liston

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Most people know of Sonny Liston as the guy Cassius Clay beat to get his first heavyweight title. That's unfortunate because Liston was one of the toughest and most feared boxers in history. In fact, Sonny Liston was such a badass, in 2012 it would be impossible to be that kind of man. Here are five reasons you can't be a man like Sonny Liston.

1. Shoots Guns Inside Casinos

Everyone knows Cassius Clay was the best trash talker of all time. One night, Clay found Liston at a casino in Las Vegas and started insulting him. A man of few words, Liston pulled out a gun and fired at Clay. The gun was full of blanks, but Clay ran away fearing for his life. It was even caught on video. If an athlete did that today, he'd probably be banned for life and jailed. Also, everyone around Liston seems pretty calm. Did that happen a lot back then or had Liston just been shooting blanks at people all night?

2. Date Of Birth: Unknown

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There is no official record of Sonny Liston being born. It's like he magically appeared on this planet just to kick ass. Here are two other people with unknown birthdays: Genghis Kahn and Alexander the Great. Not bad company if your job is to destroy other people. In today's modern world with all its computers, databases, official documents and such, it's unlikely to find someone who has no official record of being born. That is, unless you're the world's most delusional Ultimate Warrior fan.

3. Known As "Yellow Shirt Bandit"

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As a kid, Liston and his friends committed a series of muggings and robberies. Liston usually wore a yellow shirt during these crimes, and he became known as the "Yellow Shirt Bandit." The only criminals who get nicknames anymore are supervillains in comic books. Liston was getting nicknames even before he was heavyweight champion.

4. Banned From St. Louis

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Even after becoming a professional fighter, Liston was frequently harassed without cause. This led to several incidents with St. Louis police officers. Liston once beat up a cop and stole his gun, for which he was detained for nine months. Let's emphasize that again. He stole a cop's gun! After several overnight detentions, the St. Louis police effectively banned him from the city by threatening his life. Liston moved to Philadelphia but only after taking on a corrupt police force.

5. Learned To Be A Prizefighter In Prison

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Liston was sent to jail for armed robbery in his early 20s. That turned out to not be a problem for Liston, because he learned how to box in prison. The prison chaplain convinced him to try boxing, and his talent was immediately apparent. A former pro light-heavyweight was brought in to fight Liston, and he called off the fight after two rounds saying, "Better get me out of this ring. He's going to kill me!" Prison made Mike Tyson worse and caused Floyd Mayweather to doubt his career. Prison started Liston's career. Also, Liston was paroled on Halloween night.

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Neal Stastny (@NealStas) is a New York comedian and writer.

Tags Boxing, cassius clay, Mohammed Ali, sonny liston