Diehard Degenerate: Sports Gambling NFL Week Three

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Sean Green hosts the Sports Gambling Podcast and is our new expert on fun ways to lose money.

Last week I lost my shirt; figuratively and literally, after a day of awful picks and slugging well whiskey I chucked my shirt in disgust into my back yard and still can’t find it. But like a real American, when it comes to drinking, gambling and football I don’t know the word quit and I’m ready for week three!

Chargers -3 vs Falcons

Hours after the Falcons covered the spread at home against Peyton Manning, star running back and fellow drunk Michael Turner gets popped for a DUI at 95MPH. No word on how the cops stopped him, but a 4-3 defense and a first down marker seem to do the trick as Turner is averaging an anemic 2.64 yards per carry this season. The Falcons looked sluggish in the second half and now have to travel to the West Coast on only six days’ rest. Everything is setting up for a nice Chargers victory.

Redskins -3 vs Bengals

When Barack Obama got elected he probably assumed he would have the cool, popular, well spoken black dude angle locked down in D.C. for a long time. Then RGIII came to town, and while the Skins are only 1-1 he’s looked fantastic. I really like the Skins offense to open things up in RG III’s home opener and don’t believe the Bengals defense can sling enough mud to slow down DC’s most popular man Robert Griffith III. Possible problem is Bengals return man Adam “PacMan’” Jones, but Skins special teams are solid, and like most convicted felons, PacMan will not sway things in DC.

Prosperous Prop Bets

First score of the Giants Panthers game will not be a TD +150

Nothing makes you look more like a sports gambling psycho than screaming loudly for a FG. Very fun bet and you got to love the plus odds.

Average NFL Game Length Over 3 hours 11 minutes -110

With the replacement refs handling operating their microphones like nervous open-mic comedians, give me the over all day. The longer the game, the more beer commercials, and the NFL is not going to intervene.

Home Sweet Home

The replacement refs have made a ton of bad calls, many times helping the home team. Why a seventh-grade biology teacher would be intimidated by 70,000 drunk battery-wielding Eagles fans is beyond me, but the numbers show that the home team is covering at a much higher rate. From 2000-11 the first two games saw the home team covering 49%, this year the number has skyrocketed to 72%!

Replacement Refs Drinking Game

– Refs blow an obvious call = 1 drink
– Refs signal wrong direction = 2 drinks
– Announcers compare refs to substitute teachers = 3 drinks (appropriate comparison as some actually are substitute teachers)
– Multiple refs lose their hats while trying to determine possession on a fumble recovery = 4 drinks
– Replacement ref makes a horrific call costing your favorite team the game = Finish Bottle

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Sean Green (@greenroomshow) is a comic, podcaster and degenerate gambler living in Los Angeles.