Blissfully Degenerate Sports Gambling: NFL Week Two

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Sean Green hosts the Sports Gambling Podcast and is our new expert on fun ways to lose money.

Who let the dogs out? Apparently the NFL did as underdogs went 9-7 against the spread with six outright upsets in Week One. RGIII shined in the Super Dome, Peyton Manning was poised in the pocket and despite what my Uncle says about “Tony Romo rhyming with Tony Homo,” the Cowboys QB has no difficulty throwing touchdown passes. OK, enough recap, let’s get to this week:

Sean’s Sure Things

Chicago +6 at Green Bay (Thursday Night)

Say what you will about Brandon Marshall, the guy is loyal. He stayed with his girlfriend after she allegedly stabbed him and fought to reunite with his former Denver Broncos teammate, QB Jay Cutler. On Sunday, his devotedness paid off: catching nine passes for 119 yards and a TD. With their QB/WR combo chemistry rekindled, Matt Forte running hard and a still feisty defense, I like Da Bears tonight.

New York +6 at Pittsburgh

Whether it’s a lookout at a bathroom bar or a healthy running attack it’s clear that Ben Roethlisberger has trouble scoring alone. The Steelers averaged a meager 2.9 yards per carry, and allowed five sacks in their 31-19 loss in Denver. Jets may not win this game outright, but their stingy defense will help them keep it close.

Prosperous Prop Bets

Eagles Pass Completions 28-32 (+500)

If you’ve ever seen Andy Reid, you know he’s not the modicum of self control. He avoids running the ball as if it were a vegetable. His pass-heavy diet continues against the Ravens and I got Vick completing 28-32.

New England vs. Arizona: Most Points in First Quarter(+500)

Wes Welker recently described Tom Brady as, “The toughest metrosexual I’ve ever come across.” I see Brady coming out as sharp and smooth as one of his well manscaped eyebrows. If the Cardinals are going to keep pace, they’ll need to put up points early, that’s why I think the first quarter will have the most scoring.

Super Sucker Screw Your Friendly Wager

A kickoff ending up as a touchback is pretty much a 50/50 bet in the NFL. However you can really help yourself out with this one. Wait until the Sunday night game, Denver at Atlanta, your friend will be good and drunk (chasing money too) and bet him the next kickoff will be a touchback. Hedge your odds even further by not doing it at the beginning of the game, or right after half. Return guys are well rested and will want to take it out. Late second or fourth quarter is the perfect time, make sure Matt Prater for Denver is kicking (Touchback 83.33%) and you have yourself a sure thing.

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Sean Green (@greenroomshow) is a comic, podcaster and degenerate gambler living in Los Angeles.