Today’s Dumbass: Teen Reports Drug-Induced Dream To 911


Photo: Volusia County Jail

An 18-year-0ld male in Florida recently had a series of delusions that, coupled with bad mistakes, ultimately got him arrested. The first delusion occurred after Mark Welch smoked synthetic marijuana. He became convinced his dreams were coming true and believed police (1) have the ability to help him prove he had the dream and (2) could demonstrate it was all coming true! Here’s how the 911 call went down:

911 dispatcher: ”What’s happening?”
Welch: “Everything that happened today is actually in my dream, and I want to prove it to everybody.”
911 dispatcher: “What did you dream about that’s happening?”
Welch: ”It’s all on paper. I wrote it down.”

Yeah, it’s all on his Rosetta Stone of dumbassery. Incredibly, police actually sent someone out to see what the hell was going on, maybe believing that Welch was speaking in code about a real emergency. Well, there wasn’t one, so the officer told him not to call again about it. Welch’s second mistake: After his parents hid their phone, he called back 40 minutes later from a neighbor’s line.

“The officer told me not to call back,” he told the dispatcher. “And he said if I called back, then y’all were going to take me to court. So, I’m calling back.”

The dispatcher asked if he wanted to go to jail, and he persisted (third mistake): ”I have to prove something to my family. So, can you send an officer back?” (You can actually listen to both the first call and second call.) The police came back and arrested him for misuse of the 911 system, a first-degree misdemeanor.

We can’t prove this, but these things always seem to happen in Florida. Maybe Welch is a big fan of Cheap Trick‘s song “Dream Police” and got severely confused about the tune’s meaning and actually believed an elite task force existed to help him prove the existence and substance of his crazy dreams. Tough break.

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Brett Smiley (brettsmiley) usually can’t remember his dreams.