We’re just days away from playing “Madden NFL 13,” and by now you’ve seen the commercials featuring Ray Lewis and Paul Rudd, wherein Rudd breaks just about every video game code in the book. So we thought, hey, let’s draft up the official Madden Code, so that we may help diffuse the intense Madden-based conflicts before they escalate, by providing rules of etiquette. Below are the 10 rules that any honorable player must uphold. We wish we had these to consult when we were growing up, it would’ve saved us from a lot of broken controllers/faces/friendships.
1. Never, EVER peek at the other guy’s play selection screen.
Surreptitiously check out his girlfriend/wife/sister/mom, that’s fine. But surreptitiously check out his formation, that’s a chode move.
2. You get one “rub his face in it” replay per half. That’s IT.
3. Mercy rule: 21 points (online), 28 points (in-person)
It can still be fun trying to claw back from 21 points down if your opponent is sitting next to you. But if it’s a faceless ghost on the interwebs, snooze.
4. Fake field goals are fair game.
5. Fake punts are for pond scum.
If you’re gonna go for it, just go for it. Don’t be a jagweed.
6. Unless constrained by time, the winner must accept an immediate rematch proposed by the loser.
7. No All-Star, All-Madden, All-NFL, Hall of Fame, mascots, or whatever other bunk teams there are.
8. S***-talking is encouraged. But keep it on the field.
No need to bring their recently deceased dog into it.
9. Running the same play over and over again is fine — the onus is on your opponent to stop it.
10. Absolutely no pausing for phone calls or bathroom breaks.
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