Today’s Dumbass: Melky Cabrera Suspended 50 Games For PEDs


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Melky Cabrera is was having a stellar year for the San Francisco Giants, hitting .346, which surely infuriated his old Yankees fans. Of course, he then tested positive for testosterone and is suspended for 50 games, which surely infuriated his Giants fans. He was hitting 62 points higher than his career average, but we don’t know how much of his new success is due to roids and how much is just a fluke and how much would’ve happened without the PEDs. Deadspin has a thorough analysis of his stats, showing that just about everything but his batting average is pretty much in line with his career numbers.

But c’mon Melky. Couldn’t you cycle off the juice once you realized you were posting batting title-esque numbers? Ya know, keep them off the scent? It’s like in “Goodfellas” when Jimmy Conway gets righteously pissed when everyone buys flashy cars and furs after the successful Lufthansa heist. Couldn’t you tone it down a bit to close out the season, then maybe start up again in the playoffs?

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Steroids definitely would not help Carl Williott (@cwilliott) become a better baseball player.