The Olympic Sex Village: Happiest Place On Earth

Credit: FilmMagic

If you haven’t heard by now, the Olympic village is sexy, baby!

How do we know? Because, US soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo told the world: “There’s a lot of sex going on. With a once in a lifetime experience, you want to build memories, whether it’s sexual partying or on the field. I’ve seen people having sex right out in the open. On the grass, between buildings, people are getting down and dirty.” Solo also stated that the Olympic Village, “Is just a giant booze-fueled orgy for super-fit people.”

Reportedly, at the 2000 Olympics, organizers ordered 70,000 condoms, and they ran out of them early. This year, CNN reported that 150,000 condoms were ordered. Not everyone was properly prepared for the sextivities, though. The gay dating app Grindr crashed soon after the Olympians arrived in London.

Now that we’re all properly informed, it actually makes sense that the Olympic Village is such a sexy place. It’s basically a summer camp for athletic beautiful people. Some of their faces may only be sixes, but c’mon, their bodies are perfect 10s. Plus, exercise boosts your libido and their nimble flexible bodies must be able to bend in all kinds of ways. With all that going on, we’re actually surprised that any of the athletes actually showed up to do their events. It seems like they would be too busy doing each other:

LeBron James asked US swimmer Lauren Perdue to dinner. She turned him down but tweeted about the invite. This had to have bothered James because he has a reputation as a playa and he has a fiancee (his high school sweetheart Savannah Brinson).

Ryan Lochte‘s mom reported to the media that her son didn’t have time for dating and only had one night stands. Lochte said his mother meant he only had time for dates and not relationships. Sure, Ryan! After Lochte failed to best Michael Phelps, he seemed to drown his sorrows in boobs last weekend. Paparazzi caught him leaving a club with some scantily clad dates (aka one night stands).

Kobe Bryant and Stephanie Rice (Australian swimmer) were seen sitting together at several Olympic events. Sources say that they also exchanged presents. She signed two swimming caps for him, and he gave her a pair of signed sneakers. We’re pretty sure they also exchanged saliva.

To some athletes, the Olympics are just all-around arousing, even outside of the village. U.S. Rower Henrik Rummel seemed to get erect on the Olympic podium (see picture above). It looked like, after he received his medal, he started feeling number one in his pants!

Sadly, not everyone was interested in taking part in the Olympic orgy. Early on, beautiful track athlete Lolo Jones announced that she had no intention of hooking up with anybody… because she’s boring. She didn’t announce that she was boring, we decided that for her.

Here at Guy Code Blog, we have all started training for the next Olympics and all of the hookups we plan to have there. In fact, we’ve decided to rename the Olympics…”The Global Grind.” Go USA!

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Tara Munson (@TaraMunson) is a writer who specializes in criticizing celebrities and farting.