Ryan Lochte Only Has Time For ‘One-Night Stands’

Photo Clive Rose/Getty Images

It appears that USA Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte is one of those guys who shares with his mom every time he goes balls deep in a woman. Lochte’s mother Ike told Today.com, “He goes out on one-night stands. He’s not able to give fully to a relationship because he’s always on the go.”

Sorry mom, it sounds like your boy really just likes the idea of plowing through Olympic village with a loaded gun each night, staking his claim worldwide at the international swap meet. Lochte told ESPN The Magazine before the games, “My last Olympics, I had a girlfriend–big mistake. Now I’m single, so London should be really good. I’m excited.”

It’s a wonder Lochte can win medals in the pool with all the sex he’s probably having in London. And not just any sex — but sex with Olympic women (perhaps more than one at a time) which we assume is more athletic and physically taxing than average Joe and Jane lovemaking. Kudos to Lochte who is obviously enjoying these games as much as any other male competitor. We’d say he’s representing his country well, but as for how well, you’d have to ask one of the many women he’s slayed, or his mom.

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Brett Smiley (@brettsmiley) is a New York Giants fan who wears an old Jeremy Shockey #80 jersey with duct tape over the name and Cruz written over it.