Today’s Dumbass: Man Allegedly Breaks Into Homes To Surf Porn

Credit: Science & Society Picture Library via Getty

Police in Eugene, Oregon arrested a 21-year-old man who they say broke into at least three homes in recent months. For at least one of these break-ins, Antone Forrest Deedward wasn’t trying to snatch up some diamonds or cash…he just wanted to fap it out in privacy (it’s the simple things in life). On that particular occasion, a woman returned home to find porn on her computer and towels and lubricant set up next to it. Guess he goes by the moniker The Wet Bandit. She then spotted the suspect as he was leaving, but before sprinting away he made a mad dash for the lube. Priorities!

We get it, after the Fred Willard arrest, adult theaters are too risky. So, what ever happened to the library? Are today’s jacking creeps too good for the library?

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Carl Williott (@cwilliott) lives in New York, where he stresses about keeping up with his RSS feeds.