“Guy Code” is officially back with Season 2 kicking off last night. In preparation for the next helping of our favorite show, we wondered about the topics for this season, looked very (very) closely at sexy photos of cast-member Melanie Iglesias and now we’re rolling out this list of Guy Code violations in pop culture. Beginning with…
1. The Rule: No drinking ’til you puke
The Violator: Ronnie from “Jersey Shore.” Back when the Jersey Shore crew was in Miami, before they were megastars, Ronnie fell out of bed and started puking “like The Exorcist” after a particularly intense night of beating up the beat. He also puked into a shopping bag on a later season. We can’t imagine Ron-Ron Juice tastes good on the way back out. We can’t imagine it tastes good on the way in, come to think of it.
2. The Rule: Use a minimal amount of grooming products
The Violator: Patrick Bateman in “American Psycho.” In one episode of “Guy Code,” J-Shore’s Vinny noted that “if your face wash has a face wash, you’re breaking the guy code.” Another cast member argued that one can use a bar of soap as an all-purpose cleanser. Patrick Bateman had a meticulous, laborious morning grooming ritual that included a face peel, and this “less is more” school of thought would probably cause him to go on a hyper-violent killing spree.
3. The rule: With karaoke, song choice is key
The Violator: In the end, it worked out for John (John C. Reilly). But for you, in real life, it won’t. John dashed to the speakers for a Red Bull and Vodka-powered, slurred and sputtering rendition of “Don’t You Want Me Baby.” He didn’t have the crowd and almost quit, when the script called for Marisa Tomei to join and rescue him. When in doubt, just play Sisqó‘s “Thong Song.”
4. The Rule: Don’t have a car that’s too tricked out
Photo: Warner Bros.
The Violator: Batman. You’ve seen the trailers, that s*** FLIES now. The Dark Knight may have updated his ride so that it no longer looks like a winged phallus, but it still gives off the vibe that he’s overcompensating for something.
5. The Rule: Size sorta matters
Photo: Warner Bros.
The Violator: Mr. Chow from “The Hangover” and “The Hangover Part II.” He’s rocking a Mike ‘N Ike, straight up. The thing is, though, one corollary of this rule is that whatever you’re packing, you have to be comfortable with it. And Chow was always happy to whip out his baby carrot.
6. The Rule: Never go out with a loaded gun
Photo: 20th Century Fox
The Violator: Ben Stiller‘s hapless character Ted from “There’s Something About Mary.” Ted actually did empty his cartridge before his date with the gorgeous Mary (Cameron Diaz), however he failed to do it soon enough. As a result, Ted presented himself with semen-enhanced hair gel in his hair, which Mary used to trick out her own ‘do.
7. The Rule: Women make the best wingmen
Photo: New Line Cinema
The Violator: Lloyd’s error here, but Harry’s the joker who made him pay for it. Harry was supposed to be talking up Lloyd to Mary, but Harry ended up notching a date for himself. We’re glad he did though because otherwise we’d have never seen Harry construct a snowman package with a carrot and coals.
8. The Rule: Don’t encroach on another man’s urinal space
The Violator: Stan from “Along Came Polly.” Ben Stiller, master of movie awkwardness, is at the center again. His character’s boss Stan (Alec Baldwin) tracked him for a urinal chat at a row of piss collectors and stood at the adjacent urinal for his choppy discharge. Stan even gave Stiller a massage and ear rub during the exchange.
9. The Rule: Never take baths
The Violator: Rev. Run from Run-D.M.C. He tweeted “wisdom” from a bubble bath at the end of every episode of “Run’s House.” Only Scarface is allowed to soak in a cloud of warm bubbles, and even he knew to do it at the very end of Tape 1 of the VHS version so that you’d forget about it by the time you got up, ejected the tape, and put in Tape 2.
10. The Rule: “It’s all about confidence on the dance floor. Even if you can’t dance.”
The Violator: We’re going back in time to 1968 for a massively uncomfortable dance floor failure in “The Party,” where a film extra mistakenly gets invited to an exclusive Hollywood party. The character lurks bashfully as a pretty gal dances and then dives in for the awkward.
Brett Smiley (@brettsmiley) forced Carl Williott (@cwilliott) to help him with this article.