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Tim Tebow is a virgin. The rarest kind, proud virgin. This pisses some people off: “He was a D1 football star, he’s a pro athlete, dude’s lying just to cash in on this clean persona…”
Notorious website AshleyMadison.com matches people looking to have an extramarital affair. But now they want to cash in on the Tebow doubt. In an
elaborate viral marketing scheme attempt to become intrepid purveyors of truth, they are offering $1 million to any woman who can prove that she slept with Tebow.
We have no idea how this would work. It would require that some enterprising Betty from Tebow’s past decided to save a (surely crusty by now) coitus artifact, just in case one day a cheating website were to offer seven figures for it. So, let’s say a woman steps forward. What would the souvenir be? A used rubber? A baby? A sample of her blood containing some sort of Tebow strain of an STD? Also, would this count as retroactive prostitution?
Thank you, AshleyMadison.com, for getting our generation to FINALLY ask the tough questions. Your employees can now take pride in providing a service beyond skeezy spouses getting serviced.