Despite serving a very important purpose, condoms are inherently kind of funny. Admit it, you don’t see a condom dispenser in a gas station bathroom and think, “Man, what a great contribution to the world’s safe sex practices campaign. Way to go, scientists!”
No, you laughed for one of three reasons. First, just the basic concept of the condom is silly. It’s a rubber, tube-shaped love helmet for your penis. Second, no matter how old you are, you’re never going to shed that ounce of immaturity that causes you to chuckle every time you hear or see something concerning a person’s nether regions. And third, condom manufacturers, in aggressive attempts to get your attention and boost sales, add to the overall hilarity by flooding the marketplace with absurd product offerings like these 10 ridiculous rubbers.
1. Madonna Condoms
When you want to get into the groove and push your love over the borderline, don’t act like a virgin: put on a Madonna condom.
2. Dinosaur Condoms
Credit: Willy Wardrobe
When you’re looking to have some Tyrannosaurus sex, endorse her theme park with this Jurassic jimmy hat.
3. Technosex Glow Condoms
Credit: Love Light Technosex
After a night of fist-pumping the beat, you gotta protect your meat.
4. Dog Condoms
Credit: Dog Condoms
Avoid that awkward talk with Fido and just leave these next to his bowl. He’ll get the idea.
5. KISS tongue-lubricated condoms
Credit: Kiss Army Warehouse
“Hey, baby, just pretend it’s Gene‘s tongue.” This type of bizarre sexual fantasy may be acceptable for some generations. However, if you’re under 50, there’s a hotline you should be calling.
6. Tiger Woods Condoms
Because your girlfriend loves Tiger Woods and definitely won’t walk out on you when she sees these. Our question: Are these being marketed to Asian or African-American men? BIG difference.
7. Little Willy Condoms
Credit: Shiny Shack
Yes, buying these is an embarrassing admission and not for those short on confidence. But, hey, better to have that snug fit than be a bird flailing around in a hot air balloon.
8. Tuxedo Condoms
No need to dress down while you’re pummeling the maid of honor post-reception. With this penis tuxedo, you can look luxurious and protect your nuptials!
9. Whiskey Flavored Condoms
Maybe the only time whiskey and your penis will successfully mix. There’s also a crass Irish joke we could make here.
10. Louis Vuitton Condoms
Credit: The Gloss
Come on. You’re not having sex that often–you can afford it.