Rubbernecker: A Gentleman Always Asks Before Banging Your Girlfriend

Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun of subway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.

It takes a classy human being to put a sticker like this on their automobile. Did this man see it at an automotive specialty store and couldn’t get his wallet out fast enough? Or is it a custom decal because he was being asked for so many rides and in turn had to ask for so much sex from the guys’ girlfriends? Rubbernecker has decided to break this sticker down point for point:

“Don’t ask for a ride…”
A suped-up two door hatchback is…well, it’s still a two door hatchback. When those of us over 5-foot-2 are looking for a ride, we’ll exhaust all other options before folding ourselves like laundry to fit into your adorable fire engine red Babe Mobile.

“…and I won’t ask to f*** your girlfriend”
It is very kind of you to ask me for permission. I suppose leaving the decision completely up to my girlfriend would be too post-1920s. I can tell from your classy car that you like to keep things classic, like pre-women’s suffrage classic. However, not too classic, like medieval classic. After all, you’re asking, not acting like a nobleman invoking Prima Nocta on our wedding night.

It takes a lot of guts to have the F-bomb written on your car. First, it makes you a cop magnet. Second, my girlfriend’s parents will not approve of you. Even if you explained to them that you asked my permission first, they are salt-of-the-earth people and disapprove of spicy language. Even if I let you f*** my girlfriend, she will never take you to Thanksgiving.

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