Credit: Eric Seals/Detroit Free Press
Godzilla the Turkey is a beautiful, majestic bird. A beautiful, majestic bird that will completely RUIN YOUR S***! Every day, he brings the lunch pail to work, and puts in 12 hours terrorizing a Commerce Township woman who thinks she can roam freely on her own property. F*** that! This is Godzilla's turkey-bangin' territory, where he makes all the lady turkeys go "gobble...gobble...GOBBLE!!"
This local lady is totally cock-blocking Godzilla, trying to "live her life" and "get into her car." It totally harshes Godzilla's buzz. So each morning he turns into one badass motherclucker and charges her, delivering "a sort of fat-feathered chest-bump." Sometimes he even pulls out the big guns, grabbing at her with his claws (yeah, that's right, Godzilla has CLAWS) and even bit one of her friends (yeah, that's right, Godzilla BITES).