Buzzfeed posted a gallery of nerdy Etsy lingerie today, and while on the surface it seems awesome to combine our love of classic video games with our love of sexy underwear, we have to be honest: a girl rocking those undergarments comes with a whole host of red flags (and we’re not just talking about the infantilization thing).
And underwear red flags are the most dangerous type of red flag, because once you come face-to-face with it (literally), c’mon, it’s nearly impossible to turn back. There’s no such thing as a mood-killer at that point. “Just take the underwear off, and the baggage shall go with it,” you’ll think. Oh you silly fool.
Below we’ve listed 10 geeky pairs of female underwear and deciphered what they say about the woman wearing them.
What it means: You’re about to learn one triangle that’s harder to get your hands on than the Triforce.
2. Team Edward
What it means: Robert Pattinson is the only one getting near her privates. In other words, she’s a virgin.
What it means: She actually believes in ghosts, which means you’ll soon be driving to corn mazes and Wicca retreats to keep her happy.
What it means: She’s a stage-five clinger Klingon.
5. Pokemon bra
What it means: Unless you can pay for her many trips to Japan, she’s not that into you.
6. Hello Kitty
What it means: Oh, so she was being literal about her “Hello Kitty.” And she’s lying about her age.
What it means: Either she’s literal, or really aloof. But do you really want to risk finding out?
8. Hulk cami
What it means: If she thinks you’re turned on by a gigantic, muscly, veiny green monster, it probably says more about you.
What it means: You need to read this immediately.
10. Powered By Bacon
What it means: Powered by bacon, killed by arterial blockage. She may not be chubby now, but this is proof she’s on her way.