JWOWW Would Like To Smush You, Mr. President

JWOWW honored President’s Day by posting, on her blog, her list of “P.I.L.F.’s.” We’re not going to spell out the acronym for you. You can figure that much out. Her list of eight bangable presidents was pretty standard, but it definitely showed us a different side of JWOWW. You’d think someone who’s got such a thing for raging Italian meatheads wouldn’t feel much for the intelligent, presidential types. We’re really glad to see that she’s more dynamic than she appears on “Jersey Shore.” Keep shooting high, JWOWW!

Ulysses S. Grant

He was the eighteenth president, a Civil War leader and one of the few two-term presidents. Who wouldn’t want to bone this guy? Those are some seriously attractive credits. Those, however, do not seem to have any impact on her decision. JWOWW seems particularly into him because, according to her he looks like Kevin Kline, and she also points out, “I heard he was an alcoholic!” That sounds more like the JWOWW we know and love.

Abraham Lincoln

He can’t lie and he’s a super tall lawyer. WHAT A DREAMBOAT! That whole thing about him freeing slaves we have to assume would be pretty hot, too, but JWOWW just seems to happy to see him clean shaven: “Who knew the dude on the $5 bill wasn’t always so hairy. I bet the ladies loved him back in the day.

Bill Clinton

OK, now we’re getting into more typical JWOWW bad boy territory. According to JWOWW: “He might be old and gray, but he was famous for not being able to keep it in his pants, and a guy with a healthy sexual appetite is always sexy in my book.”

George Washington

Who knew that the guy on the coin you use to get your laundry done was a bit of a looker. He can join me for some GTL anytime he wants!” I’m sure he’d be happy to join you, JWOWW. As soon as he finishes solidifying a newborn country, he can ditch Martha and spend a day on the beach with you, talking about vodka and nail polish.

George W. Bush

We all know this guy liked to party Jersey style and that makes him A-OK in my book.” Oh no, JWOWW. We’re going to give you Jersey folks a little more credit than that. Bush partied so hard he had to get sober.

Ronald Reagan

He survived an assassination attempt, which is pretty badass, and he used to be a movie star. That’s pretty attractive.

Barack Obama

As JWOWW simply puts it, “Yes we can!”

John F. Kennedy

“…he liked a lady with curves and I am down with that.” Ladies also loved him. He would’ve broken your heart, JWOWW. You need a more stable, stoic president like Washington or Lincoln. Those guys were way too busy to get caught smushing in a hot tub.

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