Ranking 19 Super Bowl Halftime Performers By Arm Strength

Credit: Getty Images/Christopher Polk

By now, the Super Bowl Hype Machine has covered every possible angle for Sunday’s massive event. Except one: Madonna will have the most ripped arms on the field. Sorry, Osi Umenyiora.

She may be 53 years old, but Madge flaunts the most toned arms in music, so anyone with tickets to the Super Bowl also landed two tickets to the gun show.  But how do her pythons stack up against prior Super Bowl performers? Beginning with Super Bowl XXVII from 1993, which was the advent of the modern-day popstar-splosiongasm that is the halftime show, we’ve looked back at previous performers and ranked them by arm strength. Find out where Madonna lands below.

19. Michael Jackson — XXVII

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It’s unclear whether anyone had seen Jacko‘s upper arms since the late ’70s, but it’s safe to assume he wasn’t doing a lot of power-lifting.

18. Paul McCartney — XXXIX

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Little known fact: The Beatles were named after Paul’s beetle-like arms.

17. Tom Petty — XLII

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Wearing a polka-dot silk scarf means you’re either Fred from “Scooby-Doo” or distracting from your lack of upper body strength. So, yeah, “Built To Last”: definitely not about Petty’s arms.

16. Kid Rock — XXXVIII

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In Kid Rock‘s defense, lifting dollar bills from your wallet to the stripper’s thong is tiring if you do it 97 times in a night.

15. Steven Tyler – XXXV

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Kid Rock-esque.

14. Prince — XLI

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Prince seems strong in a wiry way and would fight like a crazed cat if cornered.

13. Shania Twain — XXXVII

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All that strategic skin showing, yet total arm coverage? Color us suspicious. Aroused, but suspicious.

12. Britney Spears — XXXV

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But #1 in our midriff rankings.

11. Janet Jackson — XXXVIII

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We’re guessing Nipplegate only happened because Janet was in the middle of one of her “jacked” phases.

10. Bono — XXXVI

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Yeah, this spot seems about right.

9. Diana Ross — XXX

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Behold: Diva arms. Solid.

8. Gloria Estefan — XXXIII

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Carrying the Miami Sound Machine on your back adds muscle mass.

7. Fergie – XLV

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Fergie got into the Black Eyed Peas for her arm-wrestling skills.

6. Bruce Springsteen — XLIII

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There’s a reason he rocked cutoff shirts throughout the ’80s. The definition may be gone, but The Boss totally exudes Dad Strength.

5. Sting — XXXVII

Credit: Getty Images/Doug Pensinger

Apparently tantric sex works wonders for muscle tone.

4. Mick Jagger — XL

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We’re as shocked as you are to find him here.

3. Gwen Stefani — XXXVII

Credit: Getty Images/Doug Pensinger

With Gwen and Sting, Super Bowl XXXVII will always be remembered for its triceps-centric halftime extravaganza. OK, maybe not, but it certainly won’t be remembered for the match-up between Rich Gannon and Brad Johnson.

2. Toni Braxton — XXXIV

Credit: Getty Images/Doug Pensinger

Diva arms 2.0.

1. Madonna — XLVI

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Nobody beats Madge when it comes to chiseled arms. Did you know her contracts are null and void if she wears sleeves?

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