Everyone has that family member at Christmas that annoys, scares and/or really confuses them. That seems to be God’s law. While there are full families of only crazies (Lohans, Kardashians, etc.), most insane people are spread out in various broods. One in every family…as the saying goes. Well, the same goes for Christmas movies. Each one has to have at least one nutty character. We decided to go back and revisit our favorite holiday movies to find the most insane characters of all.
Scut Farkus, “A Christmas Story”
Scut is a simple man. His only real jobs in life are losing his teeth and terrorizing children. But what is so genius about this character is that everybody had somebody like this in their childhoods. Luckily, they all became Levi Johnston.
“Jack Frost” and “Jack Frost”
Credit: Warner Bros. and Simitar Entertainment
The first “Jack Frost,” released in ’96, tells the story of a serial killer who’s involved in a car crash with a tanker carrying genetic material on the way to his execution. In a town called Snowmonton. What a coincidence. The stuff inside the tanker spills and melts him like a Swiss Miss marshmallow. It ends up fusing the Jack-Puddle to the snow, allowing Jack to continue his murdering career for a while as a snowman, until somebody melts him with antifreeze.
The other one follows Michael Keaton as he wears a stupid hat and gets reincarnated as a snowman.
The Witch, “The Magic Christmas Tree”
In this cartoon made for festive stoners, Mark falls out of a tree in an attempt to rescue an old lady’s cat, gets knocked unconscious and wakes up to the old lady revealing that she’s a witch. She gives Mark a ring, that once planted in the ground with a seed in the middle, grows a magic tree.
The magic tree comes to life on Thanksgiving (wait, what?) and grants him three wishes. Mark asks for Santa-Claus-All-To-Myself wishes that Christmas movies use to teach the kid a lesson about how ’tis better to give than to receive. He learns the lesson, then wakes up to find out that this was all a dream sequence.
Oh yeah, the name of the woman’s cat? Lucifer.
Day-Day, “Friday After Next”
Credit: New Line Cinema
We know when someone mentions Christmas, the “Friday” movies don’t automatically come to mind like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” “Frosty the Snowman” and “A Hobo’s Christmas.” But when Craig and Day-Day, who’ve moved into their own place since “Next Friday,” are robbed on Christmas Eve, they team up with mall security guards to hunt down the thief.
Yukon Cornelius, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
Credit: National Broadcasting Company
Cornelius, the self-proclaimed “Greatest Prospector in the North” from “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” spends most of the film yelling so loud that he causes avalanches, inventing the Conan O’Brien protest beard and hoarding cornmeal, gunpowder, ham hocks and guitar strings. Ya know, and mining for silver and gold by sniffing and licking his ice pick.
Walter Lörke, “A Lively Christmas Eve”
Walter’s your run of the mill factory-director-slash-hot-blooded-communist living in East Germany, when, on Christmas Eve, his daughter tells him she’s pregnant. Not only is the pregnancy out of wedlock, but the boy might not be loyal to the government. The horror.
Walter storms out of the house and interrogates the whole town about the boy, and when he finds that Thomas–the one who got the Kugel past the keeper–“remains true to the ideals of the party…the two reconcile.” Merry Christmas!
Oogie Boogie, “The Nightmare Before Christmas”
Credit: Buena Vista Pictures
Living in exile from Halloween Town, poor Oogie’s a slave to his vices, which are pretty much limited to gambling and torture. Eventually Jack and Oogie’s paths cross when Oogie straps Santa to a giant roulette wheel and nearly kills him to make some lair stew. That is, until Jack unravels him to reveal he’s nothing more than your average burlap sack filled with bugs.
He also has one of the best theme songs in history.