5 Jimmy Buffet Lines Shane Battier Could Have Used In The Heat Announcement

Shane Battier must really love to be hated. The wrinkly-headed small forward spent his college career on one of the most hated Duke teams of all-time and now he’s on his way to the most hated pro team ever. Yep, he’s going to the Heat.

But wait, there’s more. This is how Battier announced the news on Twitter:

This was a exciting process and after much deliberation, I would like to quote the great poet Jimmy Buffett and take my chances “Trying to Reason with Hurricane Season”

That’s right, Shane Battier is a 50-year-old mom who likes Chili’s margaritas and parrot hats. It seems like the Heat are actively trying to be hated now. With the combination of evil LeBron, cry baby Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade‘s crappy cell phone commercials and now Parrot Head Battier, this team is easier to hate than jock itch. Fortunately, it’s also easier to joke about (jock itch is serious, guys). So we’ll now do that by suggesting some other Jimmy Buffett lyrics Battier could have used to make this announcement.

+ “This was a exciting process and after much deliberation, I would like to announce that I now feel like a cheeseburger, because I’m in paradise.”

+ “This was a exciting process and after much deliberation, I would like to tell the world that I’ve found my lost shaker of salt.”

+ “This was a exciting process and after much deliberation, I would like to quote the great poet Jimmy Buffett and say I’m ready for some ‘changes in latitudes’”

+ “This was a exciting process and after much deliberation, I would like to paraphrase the great poet Jimmy Buffett and say I hope I don’t ‘blow out a flip-flop.’”

+ “This was a exciting process and after much deliberation, I would like to quote the great poet Jimmy Buffett and…Just kidding; Jimmy Buffett isn’t a great poet.”

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