Credit: Dave Hogan/Hulton Archive
Everyone on Twitter considers themselves an expert of one type or another. We figured a woman who grew up with the nickname @BoobsRadley must have plenty of experience discussing issues of love and sex. (Plus, the Huffington Post called her one of the funniest women on Twitter.) Read on to find out how to send your questions to her.
Q: My girlfriend and I broke up recently. It started out as a friendly split and I think it would have stayed that way, but we’re also in a band together. It’s getting to the point where one of us needs to quit. She only joined because of me, shouldn’t she have to leave?
NO! You should both stay in the band. She should maybe have an affair with the drummer. Fact: Romantic conflict begets sweet albums. You know, like Rumours and every Culture Club album released after that straight tambourine player broke poor Boy George‘s heart. You’ll both have plenty of opportunity to nail other people after your angst album blows up.
Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for a month. He still has an active OkCupid profile. He changed his profile to say he’s seeing someone and only looking for friends. Is it silly of me to still feel uncomfortable about him having an active profile?
I used to buy into the thing where a guy says, “Oh, I just haven’t deleted my profile” or “I didn’t even know my Facebook status was still ‘Single.’” Or worse: “We’re close in real life, why do we need to announce it to the internet?” These people are keeping their options open, plain and simple. It’s like accepting a job someplace and then telling your new boss, “Oh hey, I’ll need Friday afternoon off. I have a job interview at a slightly thinner company with prettier hair.” If you would acknowledge that someone is your significant other to your real-life friends, you should acknowledge it to a bunch of idiot internet strangers.
Q: My girl says that she can’t orgasm. I’ve told her she should see a doctor about it, and she says it’s just not going to happen for her, but that she “still enjoys sex.” I am personally sort of stuck on the fact that she doesn’t finish. What should we do?
I once dated a guy who was a really picky eater, and I was constantly trying to get him to try a variety of delicious ethnic foods and undercooked meats. But, like orgasms, you don’t know what you’re missing until you’ve had it. I know that the thing to say in these cases is “Buy her a vibrator,” but, much like my boyfriend would probably be a little weirded out if I shipped him a discreet brown envelope full of curry, I think getting other people toys is a dangerous game. The important thing is not to pressure her and to believe her when she says she’s enjoying sex with you, even if there’s not a cool explosion at the end like there is for you. It’s a personal thing and she needs to come to a solution (hahha gross) by herself.
Q: OK, this is weird. I’m not a virgin, but I do not want to have any more sex until I get married. I find it complicates casual relationships and keeps me and a girl from seeing one another as we really are. The problem is that the only women who share my views are religious, and I’m not. Women who aren’t religious act like I’m some kind of freak. What is the big deal here?
Hmm. Well, I guess the problem here is that there’s an established idea of abstaining from sex because of religion or because your creepy dad buys you a ring. But not many people wait beyond a couple dates for sex for vague, secular ones. Whatever you choose to do with your body is up to you, but your reasons seem murky. Taking sex off the table for reasons of “getting to know you” doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, especially if you consider you’d probably date someone for several months before deciding to marry her.
My suggestion to you would to be to get a clearer handle on why you want to wait until marriage. Sex can be an expression of closeness, but so can mini golf. The gravity you place on it is up to you, and that’s your choice. But I hesitate to load sex in any way–spiritual or otherwise–because I think it contributes to outmoded ideas that result in fathers throwing balls for their daughter’s courage to stick to hand jobs.