Ask Boobs Radley: Can I Wear My Ex-Girlfriend’s Jewelry?

Everyone on Twitter considers themselves an expert of one type or another. We figured a woman who grew up with the nickname @BoobsRadley must have plenty of experience discussing issues of love and sex. (Plus, the Huffington Post called her one of the funniest women on Twitter.) Read on to find out how to send your questions to her.

Q: I dated a person for several years who was really, really important to me. For one of my birthdays, she gave me an engraved necklace that has a lot of personal meaning. I’ve worn it ever since. My new girlfriend was curious about it and asked, and now we fight regularly about whether I should have to take it off. Things with the other girl are way over. Isn’t she being unreasonable?
I think Coco Chanel said something about accessories: “Always take off the last one you put on. And if you are a dude, take off all of them, wash your hair, and then maybe reevaluate your life choices.” Of course, I’m paraphrasing, but I think most women feel similarly about men bejeweling themselves. With notable exceptions, it’s VERY hard to pull off a necklace without looking kind of skeezy. Plus, personal meaning? What? Is it a rune? A quote from “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”? Is it one of those necklaces grandmas get from Zales where there’s a different birthstone for each grandchild? I can’t imagine any kind of personalized jewelry that isn’t horrible, is what I’m saying! And the fact that it’s special and from an ex is supposed to make your current girlfriend feel better? No. Sorry. It can still have deep personal meaning to you while shoved meaningfully in the back of your sock drawer.

Q: I’m often in a situation where my buddy and I are at a bar and will meet two girls, and we’ll employ the usual method of deciding who pairs off with whom while they’re in the bathroom or something. But, because he’s the better looking of the two of us, they’ll often both just jockey for his attention while I sit and wait for one of them to flag. Is there some sort of signal we can send?

Until those tags that scientists staple to the ears of tranquilized bears are street legal, I think you’re going to have to accept that women cannot be divvied up like a Subway sandwich. You get to pick who sleeps with whom? That doesn’t seem very democratic. Why not try to develop your personality so you can outshine your hot friend? I don’t know, be the like the homely funny one who does sweet Night Ranger karaoke, or the homely quiet one who drinks straight bourbon and only speaks in order to grumble about the jukebox not having any Townes Van Zandt. Having a schtick is not really on the up and up, but it’s better than going, “Hey girl, you’re with me…. Because my buddy likes redheads.”

Q: I’ve been casually dating a girl who is sort of obsessed with a certain musician. At first, I thought it was kind of cute and quirky, but I’m starting to get a little tired/grossed out by it. She’s a 30-year-old woman in a fan club, for God’s sake. We’re getting pretty serious, and the amount of hours she spends on him–on fan forums, going to concerts, tracking down rare albums–is starting to feel a little insulting. Can I ask her to grow up and focus on her real boyfriend?

Just let your girlfriend have sex with Kenny Loggins. If it was meant to be, she’ll come back! If it wasn’t, she was never yours to begin with. (She was Kenny Loggins’s.)

Q: If a girl says she hates rappers, is that some kind of code that she’s racist?

Well, usually, yes. But maybe this is a “clowns killed my dad” sort of situation, but the clown is Asher Roth. But I’ve seen enough movies to know that most racists can be converted by movies that teach us important lessons about black people and white people golfing together. Bagger Vance is technically a rapper. Two birds, one stone.
Do you have a relationship question for Boobs Radley? Tweet it @MTVClutch or @BoobsRadley or send her an email.

Above Photo: Getty Images