There’s a thing called a poetic license. Much like a driver’s license, it’s often mistreated, abused and mishandled. In the driving world, licenses can be suspended or taken away. Unfortunately, poetic licenses are never officially revoked. In the long journey to the top, some rappers get caught up in the hoopla of choosing an interesting name, shoot for the stars and end up in the gutter. As we target these young gunners and their awful names, we’re not just here to hate–we’re here to say it’s never too late to change your bad monikers (but mostly we’re hating).
1. $lav3 Boi
Also known as $MOK3 and SMoke Dogg, $lav3 Boi is the ringleader of his own Georgian movement called Murda$quad. Props to this gentleman for starting his own thing below the Mason Dixon Line, but all of that kind of takes a backseat to the fact that his name is $lav3 Boi. Especially since he’s from the South! P.S. It is possible to overuse the dollar sign.
2. Lil Young
Two of the most annoyingly overused prefixes in hip-hop are “Lil” and “Young.” This Swisha House affiliate took both and made a name. Houston’s Lil Young may be excited to discover that a name can be made from two half names, but once this Lil Youngin rounds the corner of 30, none of this will be cute anymore. In fact, we’re already over it. What will he call himself when he’s older? Big Ol’?
3. Roach Gigz
Here’s the depressing part about Roach Gigz: He’s actually pretty dope. The Cali based MC rhymes in that psychotropic Cypress Hill style and is generally a likable dude. But that name! There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Roach Gigz also called himself Roachy Balboa (pass) and R. Geezy, so there’s still hope that R. Geezy will win in the name wars (at least until adding -eezy to your name officially dies).
4. Young Scooter
Young Scooter knows Waka Flocka Flame (of course he does). A decent rapper, Scoots bears the type of MC name that would inspire daily wedgies in high school hallways. Plus, when he gets older, he can’t just drop the “Young” and go by Scooter, a Muppet already took that one. Sorry.
5. The Gooneez
A pop culture win for some, an epic fail for others. “The Goonies” is one of the best kids movies ever. However, changing the spelling and making it your name is like becoming a painter and calling yourself Pikazzo. It wouldn’t be tolerated in the art world, so why is it in the rap world? The Gooneez even collaborated with a group called The Fratelleez (not The Fratellis). The Goonies’ archenemies? Is nothing sacred to these guys?