Lady Gaga took the stage as her male alter ego “Jo Calderone” at last night’s VMA’s and performed an awkwardly manly monologue. She came out looking like Ralph Macchio’s character in “The Outsiders.” That’s hardly gender-bending. We’d call it gender-nudging, if anything. Although “Jo” sounded like a 12-year-old boy improvising a scene from “A Bronx Tale,” he/she did exhibit a few traits that somebody might consider “male,” so where did all that swagger come from?
Either she took the beginner’s course at the Daniel Russo school of acting, or she hired your dad’s favorite misogynist, Andrew Dice Clay, to show her the ropes. First off, the Dice Man was at the VMAs, and then there are these following clues.
The Cigarette Smoking
One of Dice’s signatures, and it’s the ultimate symbol of tough guys and people who die early.
The Slick Hair
If you can’t have male genitalia, then you’ll have to go with the next best thing, which is naturally a pompadour.
Telling Us How Frustrating Women Can Be
Jo is annoyed with Lady Gaga’s aloof, mysterious behavior, and he wants the world to know! That’s what men do, they complain about how confusing women are so they can disregard their opinions. Andrew Dice Clay is a fountain of knowledge when it comes to dealing with chicks, man. Just check out this classic grain of truth from Dice’s act: “Let me ask you a question…: The first time you f***ed her, was she any good? Yeah? Now let me ask you another question: How do you think she got that way?” Am I right, ladies?!