Seventy-five years ago on yesterday, Wilt Chamberlain dropped onto this freaky earth of ours.
Over the course of a 15-year NBA career, the Stilt became arguably the best–and inarguably the most dominant–player in league history. As the only player to average more than 40 (and 50) points in a season, not to mention the only player to ever score 100 points in a game, The Big Dipper became the first man in NBA history to win scoring, rebounding and assist titles.
But none of those stats compare to the one by which Wilt is best known: the number 20,000. His other scoring title. As in, the number of women he claims to have slept with over the course of a career more prolific than that of all of Vivid Video combined.
Given that Wilt lived 63 years, that puts him at a rate of 0.86 women per day from birth till death. If you waited until Wilt turned, say, 16 years old, that number shoots up to 1.16 per day. Put in another way, that means that during his peak, Wilt Chamberlain actually had more women than he had mornings.
So, to commemorate The Dipper’s birthday and in light of the fact that Nick Cannon spent last weekend trying to deliver the death blow to masculinity by setting the world record for hugs, we thought it time to check out some of the other best (and least believable) numbers in the history of guys. From girls to Guitar Hero, you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you to catch up. And, sadly, if you’re looking to keep pace with Wilt, you might want to just skip this list altogether.
1,333 and counting
The number of times, as of March 2010, that Henry Earl had been arrested. It had been reported–and celebrated–that the Lexington, Kentucky, bourbon bucket had been arrested for the 1,000th time in 2008. Turns out we all gave Earl the benefit of the doubt. He’d been arrested more than 1,300 times by then.
The number of Russians that Finnish sniper Simo Häyhä killed over the course of a 100-day, one-man siege against the invading Soviets in 1939. Nicknamed “The White Death” because of his fashionable white death-parka, Häyhä set up shop in the snowed-out forest near his house and proceeded to take down Rooskies like Pretzel M&M’s. Search parties, task forces and artillery strikes were no match for him, and only an exploding round to the head stopped him. He later recovered. Then, just to make sure he outlived every one of those damned Commies, he watched the Soviet Union crumble in 1991 and waited 12 more years to die. Just to be safe.
Age, in years, that the world’s longest-living man is reported to have lived. However, because his papers weren’t fully in order, he’s not the official record-holder, though he is pretty badass. The official record belongs to French-born Jeanne Calment, who lived to be 122. Born in 1875, she was said to have met Vincent Van Gogh when she was 10. However, her death (in 1997) came just before the internet revolution, which might be a good thing, as it’s the only thing in history weirder than Vincent Van Gogh.
The percentage of males in the world descended from Genghis Khan–or 16 million people. That explains our fascination with mustaches.
The length, in inches (equaling 18.5 feet), of Hans Langseth’s beard at the time of his death, making him the titleholder of World’s Longest Beard. Born in Norway, he moved to North Dakota later in his life and became the most exciting thing to ever happen there.
The power, in pounds per square inch, of Rampage Jackson’s punch, which puts him just a hair behind Four Loko.
The size, in boob units, of the boobs belonging to Sheyla Hershey of Brazil. A Brazilian record as of 2010, Hershey lived in Houston, Texas, until the state told her that she couldn’t legally put any more silicone in her body–don’t breast with Texas?–so she moved back to the lawless utopia of Brazil to continue the inflation process.
The current Guinness record-holder for natural breasts belongs to Norma Stitz, who has a reported 102 ZZZ and these pictures, which are NSFL, let alone NSFW.
The weight, in pounds, that American weightlifter Ryan Kennelly bench-pressed to set a world record in 2008, which also put him in the running for world’s largest boobs.
The number of bones Guinness claims Evel Knievel broke over the course of his career, although Knievel himself estimated the total to be somewhere around 40. He did say he spent more than half of 1966 through 1973 in hospitals, however, and claimed that Lloyd’s of London, the famed agency that does things like insuring Troy Polamalu’s head hair and Tom Jones’ chest hair, turned him down for insurance 37 times. This guy most likely has the same problem.
Number of words in L. Ron Hubbard’s 10-volume novel “Mission Earth,” written before he decided to ruin a bunch of people’s lives by founding Scientology.
Although Ron Jeremy’s the title-holder in Guinness for Most Appearances in Adult Films for somewhere around 2,000, John Holmes’ unofficial ledger has him far above that total. Allegedly discovered by a photographer at a urinal for his prized possession, Holmes went on to star in an estimated 2,500 adult films, often under the name Johnny Wadd, and went on to inspire “Boogie Nights,” the first movie that ever featured an actor (five-foot-seven Mark Wahlberg,) playing a guy with a penis taller than the actor.
The time, in seconds, it takes for the Bugatti Veyron to go from 0 to 60.
The time, in seconds, it took for Usain Bolt to run 100 meters in 2009. Which is, conveniently, also how long it takes your car to go 0 to 60.
The highest blood alcohol content ever recorded, by a Bulgarian in 2005. The BAC was more than 18 times Bulgaria’s legal limit (0.05%) and almost twice what doctors usually consider lethal. The highest total on record for a female is a paltry .72. Take that, women.
Score, in points, that then-14-year-old Danny Johnson recorded in “Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock” at a Best Buy in Manhattan in 2009. Playing the game’s most challenging song, DragonForce’s “Through the Fire and Flames,” he was on pace for a perfect score until the blue button broke under the force of his excellence. The score makes him the Guinness record-holder for the game, a feat just a little less cool than playing one actual guitar chord.
In decibels: In 1984, the Guinness Book of World Records stopped taking applicants for Loudest Band in the World, in efforts to preserve the world’s hearing. That, however, did not spare us from Limp Bizkit. Nonetheless, it did allow for Manowar to set the current mark at 129.5 dB, which is nearly 15 decibels above sandblasting, a little above a jet taking off and five decibels above the point where “pain begins,” according to experts. Not to say that pain doesn’t begin the minute Manowar starts warming up.
In decibels, the loudest yell in history, according to Guinness, produced in 1988 by Simon Robinson of Australia. But you have to understand, he just tried Foster’s for the first time.
Number of pitches thrown in one Major League Baseball game by Pittsburgh Pirates hurler Tom Cheney on Sept. 12, 1962. In addition to throwing his entire arm at the last batter of the game, he set a single-game record for strikeouts, fanning 21 over 16 innings. Though a few pitchers have struck out 20 (largely because their games lasted only nine innings), Cheney’s single-game record still stands. For reference, Marlins closer Leo Nunez threw 12 innings and just about half of the pitches Cheney threw in one game over the last month. Some of them even stayed in the park.
The peak weight, in pounds, for Manuel Uribe, known as The World’s Fattest Man, before he lost nearly 700 pounds as of 2008, after having to be forklifted out of his house. This record is kinda the opposite of the Wilt Chamberlain one.
Grams of fat in the Outback Aussie Cheese Fries with ranch dressing, which is somewhere around three times as many of those as you’re supposed to have in one day. It’s also got 2,900 calories and 240 grams of carbs. In a related note, Outback has six locations in Mexico.
Pounds of chili cheese fries that Joey Chestnut–the owner of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest record–ate to win the 2007 title at the Wienerschnitzel Chili Cheese Fries contest at the Queen Mary. However, that’s nothing compared to the 8 pounds, 2 ounces that Sonya Thomas, “The Black Widow,” ate in 10 minutes to claim the 2006 contest, which is roughly 8 percent of her body weight.
The distance, in feet above sea level, from which Joseph Kittinger II jumped out of a helium balloon in the highest free fall in history. Taking place in 1960, the jump qualified Kittinger as the 75th highest man of the decade.
6,000 or 10,507
The record for number of continuous push-ups, depending on which angle you take. The first belongs to American Charles Linster, who pumped out 6,000 in one sitting. The latter belongs to Japan’s Minoru Yoshida, who completed the 10,507 over the course of 24 hours once the rules changed to allow that kind of cheating.
76 years, 340 days
Age of Min Bahadur Sherchan when he climbed Mount Everest, making the Nepalese-born Sherchan the oldest man to ever climb the world’s tallest mountain. But feel free to keep the “This Car Climbed Mount Washington” sticker on your Jeep, slacker.
24 hours, 18 minutes
The longest Congressional filibuster in history, conducted by Strom Thurmond in 1957, against the Civil Rights Act, when he was only 274 years old. Designed to sway voters against the bill or at least get in the way of the process, he went up to the podium and read the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights and George Washington’s farewell address, while not pausing to even go to the bathroom. Which, knowing how old people get, might have been the biggest feat of all.