6 People Who Could Play The Crypt Keeper Without Any Makeup

Remember “Tales from the Crypt,” the adult version of “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” that you could catch on HBO if your parents were irresponsible enough? It’s coming back. A new version of the show is currently in development and while details are scarce, there’s one thing that we do know: the crypt keeper will be involved.

We’d like to make a humble suggestion about said keeper of the crypts–make him human. Sure, that creepy puppet from the original was a thing of nightmares, but there’s one thing scarier than a fake zombie wearing a tux, and that’s a real one. So we’re putting on our casting director’s cap to suggest six people who could play the crypt keeper without even wearing makeup. We are still in a recession after all.

Al Davis

I’d argue that this is more an insult to the crypt keeper than to Davis, who looks like he died of leprosy seven years ago.

Kirk Douglas

Kirk Douglas actually looks good for a 94-year-old. Of course, anyone who doesn’t have worms crawling out of his eye holes would look good for a 94-year-old.

Eddie Van Halen

We’re pretty sure Eddie Van Halen has been a member of the walking dead since OU812.

Phil Spector

Without a wig on, Phil Spector looks just like the crypt keeper. With a wig on, he looks like a tumbleweed.

Clint Eastwood

Clint Eastwood is the one on the left.

Keith Richards

Like the crypt keeper, Richards has indulged in his fair share of nose candy. But unlike the crypt keeper, Richard’s has managed to keep his schnoz.