The 5 Best Moments From The 2011 Gathering Of The Juggalos Video

The full 27-minute version of the 2011 Gathering of the Juggalos infomercial is worth a full watch, but for those of you who want the bulleted version of the insane, unhinged, uninhibited, whacked-out s***show, here goes:

A Dr. Evil-like figure, Master Claarrg, heads up an extra-terrestrial mothership full of aliens looking for a place to barbecue and rock out. He has three alien correspondents who scoped out Planet Earf, all of them honest and disappointed by negativity and bulls*** big business going down on the planet.

1.) Alien correspondent Vanilla Zerg (Vanilla Ice, above) reported that there’s a lot of negativity and suffering on Earf. Something was brewing: the Gathering of the Juggalos, August 11 to 14 in Cave In Rock, Illinois, an event “completely void of staleness.” What can we say, we’re suckers for Vanilla Ice.

2.) Alien correspondent 3J Grey pitches “s*** to do all around the clock.” “You’ll see things happen that you’ll never see again,” he said. “You’ll watch s*** go down that you’ll never forget.” Wait for it….” Midway games that are run by real, low-life carnie scrubs that just want your cash. “Also, sideshow freaks and amusement park rides that go on all night long until you puke your f***ing guts out.”

3.) Juggalo Love: “Why is it so easy to get laid?” asks the narrator. “Unexplainable Magic.” And then the narrator gives an awesome f***-off to haters: “If you have a problem you can stay home sitting on your dumb bitch ass. Read all about it and hate all on it.”

4.) Alien correspondent Sugar Blaam, wearing a boob-boosting top, reviews some of the top acts, including: Twiztid, ABK, Blaze, Ice Cube, Busta RhymesMystikal, Kitty, Tech N9ne, Xzibit and even M.C. Hammer and George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars. And of course, Insane Clown Posse.

5.) Last but most psychotic: JCW Oddball Wrestling. It’s “Death match wrestling at its deadliest. Stranglemania live, with thumbtacks, barbed wire, weapons, cactuses and any type of brutal action a demented mind can conceive.” Maybe a guest appearance by the man behind “The Wrestler,” Mickey Rourke?

Here’s the whole darn thing:

Photo: YouTube