After winning a Billboard Music Award this week, Justin Bieber got cocky and said he’d like to collaborate with Jay-Z. Hova tells you when and if he’ll collaborate with you, not the other way around. Who does this kid think he is? Justin Timberlake? Yes. Exactly.
Lately, the media has been asking whether Justin Bieber will be the next Justin Timberlake. But there is no correct answer to that question because it’s the wrong question. Bieber will not be the next Timberlake because Bieber is already a young Timberlake clone with a little plastic surgery. Just think how much bigger, richer and more famous Justin Timberlake would be if he knew at the beginning of his career what he knows now. His Justin Bieber clone provides the opportunity to find out.
It sounds crazy, we know. But, the evidence after the jump will convince you. There is a reason you never see them in the same room.
No Boy Band
For the first five years of Timberlake’s career, he had to share the fame and money with the other members of N’SYNC. In hindsight, he didn’t need those guys. If Timberlake had gone solo from the get-go, he would have needed to spend the time overcoming the boy-band stigma.
Usher-Timberlake “Bidding” War
After Bieber became a YouTube phenomenon, Usher jumped to get the young Canuck on his label. In an effort to increase the hype, Timberlake started a bidding war. He quickly caved, never wanting to win. If the Justins appear together, the universe collapses.
It’s one thing for Usher to vouch for you, but rappers accepting you is a whole other level. Critics finally took Timberlake seriously after he made “FutureSex/LoveSounds” with Timbaland. That’s why Bieber is already pushing hard for Jay-Z.
To be taken seriously as an actor, Timberlake has stepped away from music, thus decreasing his earning potential. If he started doing serious acting roles earlier in his career (“The Mickey Mouse Club” doesn’t count), the public would have an easier time accepting he does both. Bieber’s “CSI” role: explained.
Bieber won MVP in this year’s NBA All-Star celebrity game over Hall-of-Famer Scottie Pippen. There is no way a sixteen-year-old Canadian pop star has b-ball skills rivaling Scottie f***ing Pippen. Unless … he’s really a 30 year old from Memphis with lots of playing experience.
‘Saturday Night Live’
Timberlake’s excellent appearances on “SNL” opened a whole new world of earning potential: comedy. If he’d started doing comedy in his teens, no telling how great he’d be now. No wonder Bieber weaseled his way into a few sketches when booked as the musical guest. Timberlake even dissed Bieber on his recent episode, just to throw us off his track.
It completely makes sense for a huge pop star like Timberlake to have his own cologne. However, Play hasn’t sold well because Timberlake is pretty, and men don’t want to smell “pretty.” Guess who loves smelling pretty: girls. That’s why Bieber has launched his own perfume, instead of cologne. How else do you explain a perfume with a male pop star’s name on it?
Golf Bad Boys
Timberlake has always been an avid golfer, but has really played up his involvement with the sport over the last year and a half, even sponsoring Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospitals for Children Open. That’s because golf gives him more “edge” after the Tiger Woods scandal made the sport dangerous … a year and a half ago. Guess who has also played more golf the last year? Bieber.
White Guy Corn Rows
If this photo existed of you, wouldn’t you do everything in your power to clone yourself and make sure your mini-me doesn’t make the same mistake?