MTV’s “Jackass” came into our lives in 2000 and showed us that being insane can be profitable. We’ve learned many things from those crazy bastards during their tenure: the importance of TV disclaimers; to never challenge Butterbean to a fight; and to never fall asleep in the presence of Mr. Bam Margera.
But most important, we’ve learned that man is mortal. Yes, hurling oneself backward on a bike or stapling one’s scrotum to the leg will have painful repercussions. Relive the most horrible self-inflicted traumas after the jump.
7) Bucket Cars
Brandon Cole “Bam” Margera chose a path that was fraught with horrible pain. The guy is a professional skateboarder who has suffered knockouts and broken bones, and once, he even tore his liver. So by comparison, his “Jackass“-related injuries are pretty manageable. Watch when, during Season 2 of MTV’s “Jackass,” he broke his tailbone racing a tiny bucket car down a steep hill.
6) Insane Radio Flyer
It’s a miracle that Steve-O is still with us after all of his suffering. The man is a true artist, although instead of paints he uses writhing pain, and sometimes feces. During a stunt for the “Jackass” TV series, Steve-O fell out of a little red wagon going at top speed. He scraped off a bunch of ass flesh. The incident caused Steve-O intense pain for two weeks, when no chair was soft enough.
5) Porcelain Nightmare
Bam suffered three broken ribs, a broken clavicle and broken foot during the filming of “Jackass 3D.” Luckily, though, kicking his dad’s ass while using the toilet on camera is perfectly safe. As long as Bam just focuses on that, nobody loses–except Bam’s dad. Because there’s no place more sacred for a man than the porcelain throne, this unfortunate beating made the list.
Loomis Fall’s career has taken all kinds of unexpected turns. He has been in bands, most notably Wax, and he’s an actual artist who sells actual paintings. Chances are, though, you recognize him from his appearances in the “Jackass” films and MTV’s “Wildboyz” series. Fall is definitely a fitting last name for this skinny little jackass. During the filming of “Jackass 3D,” Fall was launched from behind an airplane engine while wearing a full body wind suit. He broke his clavicle and shattered his hand.
3) Bodily Souvenir
Poor Steve-O. He was shot in the nipple with a high-powered BB gun and the scene didn’t make it to film. However, the shot caused permanent nipple damage, and the bullet is still lodged in there to this day. It makes you appreciate your unscathed nipples, doesn’t it?
Johnny Knoxville, the fearless leader of this band of misfits, has charged with his men right into battle. For several seasons of MTV’s “Jackass,” it almost seemed like Mr. Knoxville was trying to destroy his reproductive organs. The man has been hit by a car and suffered multiple concussions, and in doing so has won our hearts. Thank you, Johnny Knoxville.
One of Johnny’s concussions, however, stands out from the rest: the one he suffered when he tried to box Butterbean. The beating left Knoxville concussed and in need of stitches to repair his scalp.
1) The Backflip Heard Round The World
At this point you’re saying “How isn’t one of Steve-O’s injuries in the number one spot?” Well, the answer is simple. During a stunt for “Jackass Number Two,” Knoxville tried to do a backflip on a bike. It didn’t end well. In fact, it tore his urethra. That’s in your penis. Tearing something inside your penis gets you the number one spot on an injury list automatically.
You probably need a warm shower and some private time to caress your man parts after all these disasters. But first, unwind with a few videos of the crew talking about all their injuries.