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No celebrity train wreck has stretched out her 15 minutes of fame quite like Lindsay Lohan. Usually celebrities who get press because their lives are disasters fizzle out and disappear into obscurity. Just consider how less interested you are in Charlie Sheen now than you were two months ago. Yet Lohan has the ability to keep us interested, like that hot girlfriend who keeps cheating on you but still makes you believe she can change.
The other thing Lohan has the ability to do is slip a nip. "Allows the areola to breathe" is one of the hallmarks of the female train wreck celeb, and no one does it like Lohan. If she's ever going to get her crap together, she needs to address this. But not today, friends. Lohan has another slip in the tabloids. Now, her breasts are great and we definitely want occasional peeks, but when the number of nip slips starts to rival Cal Ripken's consecutive game streak we start to feel a little sorry for her. So what we've done is put together the definitive do's and don’ts of celebrity nip slips. All of our rich, famous, female readers should have their assistants print this out and tape it to the backs of their eyelids.
DO: Nipple-Slip While Dressed Classy
If a woman has a nipple slip while dressed provocatively, it's somewhat expected. She just looks like a common stripper at Larry's Boob Store. Milla Jovovich, on the other hand, looks glamorous for Mikhail Gorbachev’s 80th birthday bash in this photo. So when her nipple pops out, it's unexpected and stylish.
DON'T: Nipple-Slip While Drunk
Via Egotastic
Via Frisky
Drunks are rarely able to shoot sensual looks at the camera, nor can they control their bodies from "looking like they're about to take a dump." Christina Ricci and Amy Winehouse kindly prove how unattractive nipple slips are when the woman who owns that nipple is hammered.
DO: Allow Just a Peek
Via Flickr
The old showbiz motto "Leave them wanting more" applies here. A well-executed nip slip is ideally just the top part, like Jennifer Love Hewitt displays above. A more risky shot is some of the side nipple, displayed here by Cameron Diaz.
DON'T: Go Full Nipple
Via Frisky
A full nipple slip just makes it look like a woman has given up. Mischa Barton may be tipsy in this photo, but she's not drunk enough to forget a button or a bra. She just no longer cares.
DO: Unexpectedly Have a Wardrobe Malfunction
The only reason anyone paid attention when Katherine Heigl accepted Female Star of the Year at the ShoWest Awards was her unexpected dress malfunction. She seemed genuinely surprised, covered it up and laughed it off. Well played, Heigl.
DON'T: Plan a Wardrobe Malfunction
Via YouTube
We all know about Janet Jackson's stupid move during her Super Bowl Halftime Show. If it wasn't planned, why did she have the metal pasties on her nipple? This was clearly premeditated and, therefore, clearly lame.
DO: Keep Smiling
Via The Frisky
The best thing to do when a nipple slips out is to stay smiling and play it off, like Jessica Simpson does above. It's the same thing when children fall down--if you freak out, they freak out. The public is like children. Play it cool and no one will freak out.
DON'T: Involve Children
Courtney Cox's child pulling innocently at her swimsuit and revealing her breast could be seen as cute and humanizing. However, a child by a boob only reminds guys what nipples are "supposed" to be used for. What a bummer.
DO: Keep a Sophisticated Image
If you search for Beyoncé nipple slips, you will find dozens. And no one's nips get people more excited, because Mrs. Jay-Z is classy and doesn't get drunk in public. So when Beyoncé's nip slips, people think, "Oh man, nice areola," not "What a skank."
DON'T: Over Nipple-Slip
If it were legal for Pamela Anderson to never wear clothes again, she'd be naked everywhere. The public has seen her nipples more than they've heard The Beatles' "Let It Be." Her nip slips turn photographers away and make people roll their eyes.
DO: Nipple-Slip At Night
Even though Paris Hilton breaks all kinds of the Do's and Don'ts of nipple-slipping (she over- slips, slips the full nipple and gets drunk while nipping out), she at least confines her slips to the night because she recognizes that a nipple slip in the sun is like a one-night stand with the lights on.
DON'T: Nipple-Slip While Doing a Walk of Shame
Via YouTube
Should be self-explanatory.
