TCU’s star quarterback and top NFL draft prospect Andy Dalton has been making news for reasons other than his 166 passer rating last season. Sport Illustrated recently reported that at least one NFL team is worried about the graduating Horned Frog’s red hair.
“Has there ever been a redheaded quarterback in the NFL who’s really done well?” a coach asked one reporter last week. “It sounds idiotic, but is there any way that could be a factor? We’ve wondered.”
True, it’s tough to name a great true ginger professional quarterback. However, some of the best athletes in multiple other sports have been Ronald McDonald brothers. These names should ease NFL scouts worries. Redheads do not lack a history athletic prowess. It’s time for one of the freckled and proud to get their hands under a pro lineman’s butt.
6. Blake Griffin
Had Griffin’s father not been African-American, his hair would be fiery red. Julianne Moore doesn’t have anything on Mama Griffin. The reason Blake is last on the list is he’s young yet. While his greatness has been somewhat exaggerated this season, he is no doubt the most athletic freak to enter the NBA since LeBron.
5. Mark McGwire
“Big Mac” did not slip in the redheaded power rankings due to his steroid use. He’s way down here at number five because he couldn’t stop bawling through his testimony. Performance-enhancers or not, McGwire averaged a home run once every 10.61 at bats–the lowest at bats per home run ratio in baseball history–and broke Roger Maris’ long-standing single season home run record. He redeemed himself a little by voicing himself on an episode of “The Simpsons.”
4. Boris Becker
In his heyday you did not want to face this fiery German fire-crotch. “Baron von Slam” would pound his opponents with a blitzkrieg of forehands. He is a six-time Grand Slam champion, an Olympic gold medalist, and the youngest-ever winner of the men’s singles title at Wimbledon. He would be higher on the list, but he’s gone blond as he’s gotten older.
3. Chuck Norris
Don’t worry, we know the exaggerations of “Chuck Norris facts” have grown thin. This entry is celebrating his actual athletic accomplishments. Carlos Ray retired from martial arts competition with a record of 183-10-2. Aside from becoming a movie star, he developed his own martial arts style (Chun Kuk Do) and has a mansion built out of black belts. OK, one exaggeration.
2. Bill Walton
Known as the “Big Red-Head,” he led the UCLA Bruins to two national titles and won three-straight College Player of the Year awards. The Portland Trailblazers selected the 6-foot-11-inch ginger first overall in the 1974 NBA draft. During his pro career, Walton was a two-time All Star, won two NBA championships and was named the league MVP in 1978 and the finals MVP in 1977. Not only is he the best redhead in basketball history, but the best hippy in NBA history.
1. Shaun White
At 24 years old, “The Flying Tomato” has already won two Olympic gold medals for halfpipe and is arguably the best snowboarder ever. His medal record in major competitions looks like Fort Knox. Plus, he not only snowboards, he’s also an accomplished skateboarder. He’s the first to compete in both the winter and summer games. Even if you disagree with his ranking on this list, you cannot deny he is in first for gingers who land snow bunnies and pop-punk girls.