5 Legendary Guys Who Think The Internet Sucks

What is it about the internet that has led some of the world’s most badass dudes to hate it? Could it be that they simply don’t like instant access to sports information, online gaming, Hulu, “Star Wars” kid, podcasts, Chuck Norris facts, MLB.TV, Pedobear, YouTube, Facebook, online banking, Twitter, fantasy sports, Match.com, Netflix and piano-playing cats?

Of course, it’s not that simple. These five distinguished dudes, who have won Oscars, Grammys and a special citation from the Pulitzer board, along with the adulation of many men around the world, all have their reasons. But are they good ones? You decide.

Harrison Ford

Indiana Solo hates the internet because, he claims, anyone can use it to spread malicious gossip about him. Ford once said, “The worst thing about the internet is that anything and everything is up for grabs…Any kind of rubbish goes on the internet and it can have a f***ing life of its own.” Which is true, except that the internet didn’t invent the rumor mill. Needless to say, Ford probably isn’t one of the 139,000 people who watched a 10-minute video loop of his character in “Extraordinary Measures” yelling “I ALREADY WORK AROUND THE CLOCK!”

Prince

Prince’s disdain for the WWW is tied to his anger toward digital distribution of music. “The internet’s completely over,” he once told the Mirror. “I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won’t pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can’t get it.” Known as a control freak, the artist formerly known as a symbol also shut down his own website in an angry outburst. As for his prophesy about the internet’s impending death, well, the lights are still on.

Oliver Stone

Legendary filmmaker Oliver Stone, never one to hold back, really hates the internet. At a 2009 appearance about the future of the internet, for which he was paid $75,000 by an online news, entertainment and sports portal for U.S. Hispanics, Stone unleashed his fury on online videos: “You cannot have your neighbor come over and jump in the pool and have a party and call that a movie. Some kids come over and one of them strangles the other and they call that a f***ing movie. It’s a joke. It’s jerking off in front of the camera and that’s what most people are doing and I’m sick of it.”

Stone’s vision of the web, although not completely inaccurate (looking at you, Chatroulette), is nonetheless super strange. Last I checked, Hollywood was still churning out disasters like “The Last Airbender,” “Sex and the City 2″ and “Little Fockers,” and the most recognition a video of kids jumping in pools has ever gotten is a spot on “Tosh.0.” Point being, maybe Stone should look at the crap coming out of Hollywood before he worries about the crap coming out of backyards.

Metallica

Lars Ulrich, James Hetfield & Co. did legal battle with then internet giant Napster in 2000 when the site allowed users to swap artists’ songs at high speeds and Ludicrous Speed. Although the suit was reasonable, fans were put off that Ulrich copped a big corporation versus little guy attitude when he personally delivered a list of 60,000 Napster users who were sharing Metallica songs. Then back in 2008, prior to the release of “Death Magnetic,” the band invited a group of bloggers to a listening party, presumably to build buzz about the album. Only Metallica flipped out when those bloggers wrote (mostly positive) reviews about the music, demanding that the posts be removed from the web. Usually that kind of whiny behavior is reserved for…not heavy metal bands.

Ray Bradbury

The iconic American writer delivered a more scathing critique of the internet than anyone on this list. “The internet is a big distraction,” Mr. Bradbury told the New York Times. “Yahoo! called me eight weeks ago, they wanted to put a book of mine on Yahoo! You know what I told them? ‘To hell with you. To hell with you and to hell with the internet.’ It’s distracting. It’s meaningless; it’s not real. It’s in the air somewhere.” In other words, the internet is a vile wasteland of kitten photos, nonsense and turds that exists somewhere in outer space. To be fair, Bradbury hates most technology equally; the man grew up and honed his craft in the halls of libraries. If he ever learns about Twitter, you can be sure that he’ll immediately vomit.

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