A bobblehead is one of sport’s greatest giveaways, but it’s also the easiest to screw up. Just take a look at mini Dirk Nowitzki, complete with a pasty complexion, red lipstick, creepy stalker gaze and facial hair that makes it look like Dirk aggressively ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Of course, the Mavericks aren’t the first and won’t be the last to completely misrepresent an athlete in small, plastic, mass-produced form. Some other teams have created figurines that more closely resemble other celebrities, one gave away a pornographic doll and another churned out a small, demonic version of a legend. Enjoy the wobbly disasters on the next page.
2. Shin Soo Choo
Rick Astley? Never gonna give Choo up, never gonna let Choo down!
3. Michael Strahan
This was the same doll they used on Bernie Mac night.
4. Fat Ronaldo
Somewhere during production, the real Ronaldo bobblehead fell in love and reproduced with the Bride of Chucky toy.
5. Eric Staal
Meet Eric Mouthglove, Staal’s porn star alter-ego.
6. Aaron Rodgers
Now that he’s won a Super Bowl maybe they’ll give him the non-Bradley Cooper bobblehead.
7. Brian Leetch
That’s Brian Leetch after a weeklong bender with Charlie Sheen and a spray tan.
8. Manny Pacquiao
This actually looks like Manny, only in 25 years. Also, why’s he playing baseball with boxing gloves?
9. David Beckham
10. Alfonso Soriano
Perfect replica of the alien that busted out of the guy’s chest in “Spaceballs,” low on base percentage not included.
11. Amar’e Stoudemire
So this is what the Garden decided to do with the leftover Allan Houston dolls.