Leslie Nielsen died yesterday at 84. Sadly, we are serious. A master of deadpan, Nielsen started acting back before live TV was a novelty. His IMDB page is a scroll dating back to the ’50s, but we remember Nielsen best as–and quote him the most as–his characters in “Airplane!” and the “Naked Gun” series. So with Mr. Nielsen now reunited with Capt. Ouver and Steve McCroskey, there’s only one way to honor the white-haired genius and that’s by reliving some of his most brilliant lines.
1. Det. Frank Drebin: “It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.”
2. Det. Frank Drebin: “Jane, since I’ve met you, I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before…birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.”
3. Det. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane: He’s Caucasian.
Jane: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Det. Frank Drebin: Awfully big mustache.
4. Det. Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed: Sex, Frank?
Det. Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed.
5. Det. Frank Drebin: ”Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.”
6. Det. Frank Drebin: “Cheer up, Ed. This is not good-bye. It’s just I won’t ever see you again.”
7. Det. Frank Drebin: “Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.”
8. Dr. Rumack: “You’d better tell the captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.”
Stewardess: “A hospital? What is it?”
Dr. Rumack: “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”
9. Dr. Rumack: “Can you fly this plane, and land it?”
Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”
Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.”
10. Dr. Rumack: “What was it we had for dinner tonight?”
Elaine: “Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.”
Dr. Rumack: “Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.”
And one for the kids, from “Scary Movie 4″:
11. President TK: “I just don’t get kids. Remind me to sign that abortion bill.”