Ask a high school football player what the best thing about his sport is and he’ll probably say something about the camaraderie and the competition. Ask a coach and he’ll probably say something about turning boys into men. But ask the degenerate older brother of that player or the beer-swilling cousin of that coach and you’ll get the truest, most honest answer of all: It’s the brawls. Those helmet-swinging, grass-eating rumbles are just so exhilarating.
We should note that we don’t endorse this type of behavior, but we will watch it. Click below for five high school football brawls that will make you glad you’re watching them, not a part of them.
+ PSJA Memorial vs. Harlingen High (Texas, 2009)
It starts off as a very typical show of good sportsmanship as both teams finish the game and shake hands. Then, out of nowhere a full-out battle erupts. One kid screams for his mom and the teams spread across the field and begin to beat the crap out of each other as the coaches race against time to put the shameless violence to an end. “Where are the securities when you need them” indeed.
+ Miramar vs. Flanagan (Florida, 2007)
Sometimes mosh pits are fun. Other times they result in the suspension of 54 players. Replacing heavy metal with screaming moms, these two teams attempted to rip each other’s heads off like they were in the pit at an Ozzy show. And if the shame that came with allowing this volcano to erupt wasn’t bad enough, both schools were fined ($5,350 for Miramar and $6,800 Flanagan) and banned from something called the “spring jamboree.”
+ Albuquerque High vs. Del Norte (New Mexico, 2010)
This isn’t so much a brawl as a brief skirmish. But it’s notable for one big reason. At about 0:38 seconds into the video a middle-aged woman with a bit of an Afro and a gorgeous baby-blue windbreaker runs onto the field. It takes the players a moment to realize her awesome power, but they calm down as soon as they do. Just look at how afraid number 42 is.
+ Pearland Patriots vs. Pearland Hurricanes (Texas, 2010)
Immediately following a smackdown between two players, the coaches of both of these Texas teams decided to mix it up themselves. Unfortunately, that resulted in both teams getting barred from post-season play, which resulted in a bunch of pissed off parents. Nice going, coaches.
+ Columbus North vs. Martinsville (Indiana, 1989)
We definitely saved the best for last. Make sure your volume is low because this one gets screamy like a horror flick. This vintage footage shows the aftermath of a 30-0 massacre. Not only did Columbus North kill in terms of points but they tried to inflict some serious physical damage on the opposing team. But nothing that happens on the field is as painful as watching this VHS recording. Our eyes!
For tons more high school football action, watch “The Ride” on MTV2 on Saturday, Nov. 13 at 11p/10c.