Last night, as much of the country was obsessing over the Republican takeover of the House and the Democrat’s attempts to hang on to the Senate, a far less important battle was raging here in the Pop Star Elections of 2010. At the top of the ticket, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears and Justin Bieber battled for the honor of leading the country as the President of Pop. Gaga started the day with an early lead and Britney surged ahead in the afternoon. But as polls prepared to close at 10 p.m., it was clear who America wanted to serve as the President of Pop: Justin Drew Bieber.
Bieber will be joined in the White House of Pop by Katy Perry, who ran away with the vice-presidential election, beating her BFF Rihanna by more than 18 percent of the vote. Miley Cyrus finished third with third with 17 percent of the vote, followed by Nicki Minaj and Drake, all the way down in fifth place.
Meanwhile, Adam Levine and his band of “Golden Girls”-loving rockers, Maroon 5, took down the election for the U.S. Senate of Pop with 31 percent of the vote. They beat out Linkin Park, whose 24 percent of the vote barely edged out 30 Seconds to Mars’ 23 percent.
The biggest blowout of the day came in the election for the House of Representatives of Pop, which the Jonas Brothers took down with 43 percent of the vote. The All-American Rejects finished in third place, followed by Tokio Hotel and Semi Precious Weapons.
All told, there were nearly 100,000 votes cast in the Pop Star Elections 2010. We welcome our pop star overlords to their new seats of power in the pop star government, from which we expect them to fix everything that’s wrong with the country. And if they don’t, we’ll throw the bums out!
See you next year.