You know what we’re over? We’re over those “sexy” costumes. Sexy witch. Sexy cat. Sexy sanitation worker. It’s played out. Of course, we don’t mind looking, but the lack of creativity (except for the girl who threw together the sexy sanitation worker getup) leaves us unimpressed.
If you really want to keep a kid of the ’90s interested on Halloween night, show up to the party as the very girls we first fell in love with — the ones who owned our TV screens. Whether it was the rebellious bohemian (Topanga) or the superhuman tomboy (Alex Mack), we were hooked and there was no changing the channel. So here’s some advice, ladies: Dress up like these women and we’ll love you forever.
Kelly Bundy, “Married with Children”
Midriff top and short denim shorts? Check. Tacky silver cross and leather-studed belt? Check. Deep red lipstick? Check. Teased blonde hair? Check. There you have it, the epitome of a Poison music video girl — Kelly Bundy. Al Bundy’s vapid bimbo of a daughter had us eating out of the palm of her hand back in the early ’90s, and so too will any girl who slips into some tight jorts this Halloween.
Hilary Banks, “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”
There’s just something about spoiled little brats that we love. They’re demanding and confident and, most important, they have daddy’s bank account to work with when making themselves pretty. No one did that quite as well as Hilary Banks. Now, we’re not crazy about the over-accessorizing, but it won’t stop us from approaching a Hilary lookalike sporting a purse, a hat and a dress all in the same awful pattern. Matching is just so hot.
Kelly Kapowski, “Saved by the Bell”
We’ve never loved a cheerleader as much as we loved the fashionably challenged Kelly Kapowski. Apparently hipsters have revived the floral print trend (how quickly things change in the world of cool), so it shouldn’t be that hard for girl to find some flowery pants, an ill-fitting pastel shirt and white Keds. Nailing the hair is going to be the hard part.
Topanga Lawrence, “Boy Meets World”
We all remember when Topanga Lawrence went through that hippie phase right before dating Cory. And then we all remember when sweet, sweet Topanga looked like this. A small piece of advice for those who decide to rock the Topanga this Halloween: avoid the high-waisted pants.
Moesha Mitchell, ”Moesha”
You gotta give it up for Moesha Mitchell, taking care of her father and younger brother after her mom died. But you also got to admit, Moesha was a total cutie. All you’ll need to be Moesha is a pair of tight, high-waisted jeans, a velour shirt and braids past the shoulders. Simple enough.
Alex Mack, “The Secret World of Alex Mack”
There’s nothing wrong with having feelings for a girl who looks like she could have been on your Little League team, right? Alex Mack has left us, 12 years after “The Secret World of Alex Mack” went off the air, with a soft spot for girls in backward baseball caps and oversize overalls. Is it weird? Sure, but why fight it?
Lisa, “Home Improvement”
Yeah, Pamela Anderson’s character went by one name. But does a girl who’s responsible for little more than dialing 911 when Tim “the Tool Man” Taylor electrocutes himself really need a last name? And will you really care when you spot a leggy blonde in a knotted up flannel coming toward your bowl for a treat?
Tia or Tamera Mowry, “Sister Sister”
The stupid hats, the matching outfits, the simultaneous giggles. If we had a chance to trail the sister lookalikes, we’d throw on Roger’s baggie jeans and trip over cheesy rhymes any day.