1. “I thought it was gum.”
The culprit: Paris Hilton used this doozy after she was popped with .8 grams of cocaine in Las Vegas last weekend.
Why it’s brilliant: This excuse is so bad that the only way someone would use it is if it’s true.
2. “Those weren’t my pants.”
The culprit: Police busted Lindsay Lohan with cocaine in her pocket during a drunken-driving stop. Lindsay didn’t deny that it was coke, she just denied that they were her pants.
Why it’s brilliant: After watching this documentary, police know that pant-sharing is popular among young girls, so why wouldn’t they believe this?
3. “I was kidnapped.”
The culprit: Back in June, when Jeremy London rode around with some strangers doing drugs all night it wasn’t because he wanted to. The former “Party of Five” actor was forced to.
Why it’s brilliant: It might not get the charges dropped but at least it will get you a TV movie.
4. “That’s not my bag.”
The culprit: Way back in 1987, model and Mick Jagger’s ex-wife Jerry Hall was arrested with 20 pounds of weed in Barbados. Her excuse: She picked up the wrong bag at the airport.
Why it’s brilliant: Who hasn’t picked up a bag full of illegal drugs at the airport?
5. “It’s that time of the month.”
The culprit: In 2006, when Nicole Richie’s life was simple, she was arrested for DUI. Not only was Richie baked at the time of her arrest, she was also on prescription drugs. But don’t jump to conclusions. She wasn’t abusing the drugs, she just had really bad menstrual cramps.
Why it’s brilliant: As soon as you start talking about menstruation, men want you to stop talking. This is the perfect way to get cops to drop charges.